Mother - 10/15/08

Satisfaction
Journey
Yearning
Passion

These are the words that have been creeping into my head lately. I can't explain it, but for those who know me well enough, I don't have to.

Maybe that's it.

Maybe that's what I I've been getting at...someone, anyone...who gets me.
Really and truly gets me.
No questions or qualms, just, "yeah, I get that"
A genuinely good friend.
A sit on the couch, and can tell by the weight displacement of your body how you are feeling typa friend.
A blanket sharing, same ice cream flavor fanatic, Seinfeld loving freak, like me.
A seemingly familiar but exact opposite typa friend.
My Sammie, my Heidi,
Or my Omar, or my Shane
But even these, these terrifically fantastical beyond belief, more than you could ask for friends...don't seem to be enough lately.
I need to crack.
I need to break.
And I need to be able to do it with someone.
Someone not necessarily unafraid, but someone willing to connect.
Someone whose shoulders are broad enough to support the weight of my tears,
and whose frame would make me feel safe while I fall into them.
A softly cry with you, my heart = your heart, running fingers through your hair typa friend.
And there it is. The light bulb. Just now I realized what it is that I have been getting to. Just now I uncovered what the title of this journal should be.
I miss my mother.