wish2the_moon: Hey, can we chat for a little while?
-My Friend: Ok
wish2the_moon: My wheels are spinning, as usual for this time of night. Ugh.
-My Friend: Ah, I know that feeling alllll too well. And I hate it, lol.
wish2the_moon: I got that panicky feeling inside... the kind that shakes my insides... the one I've blogged about. Anxiety I think.
-My Friend: That's the one. How come?
wish2the_moon: It's my mood lately. I'm listening to Riahnna's song "Russian Roulette"... and it appeals to me at the moment, and my mood. Have you heard it? I think it might be easier to understand... but maybe not.. who knows. I'm so all over the board with this feeling.
wish2the_moon: you have no idea how I struggle within, this is why I don't get attached to ppl. And I'm not talking with just you. With ppl in general. I blame my mother for this. And my son's father. And my husband. And my best girlfriends who fucked my husband.
-My Friend: O_O
wish2the_moon: all I can hear is this song. It's speaking volumes to me right now.
-My Friend: Damn, sweetie...
wish2the_moon: When I look at pictures of me... back when I was younger... I see someone else entirely, a stronger person
wish2the_moon: but that's the thing. My mind has it backwards. I know that I'm stronger today than I was then...but when I look in the mirror, all I see is weakness, behind a shield
wish2the_moon: maybe that's why I perceive my younger self as stronger; b/c I faced things head on, with no fear
wish2the_moon: but I was... I was so afraid then. I just was too arrogant to realize it. now that I'm admitting it, I've lost that "invincible" attitude
wish2the_moon: I think I liked the old me better. She looked better, she was more fun. She was -happier-, that being the key word
-My Friend: God I know exactly what you mean. I've been thinking about the same damn thing lately about myself.
wish2the_moon: A friend of mine, he says "Now you tread with wisdom considering each step" --- but I don't think that's it. I think I just tread with caution, and paranoia. Who wants to live like that?
-My Friend: Nobody should. I do it myself and I hate it...
wish2the_moon: he says things will be better when the dust settles, but that's just it. The dust will never settle. There is always a certain amount of calamity to my life... I've learned to just deal.
wish2the_moon: but I don't want to just deal anymore. I want to just -be- ... for once in my life, I just want to -be-
-My Friend: There's no escape from the dust. It sticks to you. So even when you've brushed yourself off, something lingers to bring you down.
wish2the_moon: Babe, I'm so afraid. Terrified. I don't know if you know how much I mean that.
wish2the_moon: What's to become of me?
-My Friend: I wish I could tell you. I've got all your same questions but even less answers than you have already...
wish2the_moon: *cries* I hate it *frowns*
-My Friend: *hugs* I fucking hate it too. For me and for you.
wish2the_moon: I wish I could cry it out and be done with it. But crying does me no good. It's all still there when I'm done.
wish2the_moon: I'm so lost
wish2the_moon: I just want to crawl under a rock, let it go, and emerge much later a different and happier being.
wish2the_moon: I've forgotten how to be happy
-My Friend: You and me both. It just seems like its never going to get better.
-My Friend: It's a constant weight that lets up from time to time but never lifts. All we can do is trudge on and hope for a breath whenever we can get it until fate decides to let us free.
wish2the_moon: fate. there's the punch to the gut.
-My Friend: Yup...
wish2the_moon: I guess happily ever after really is just a fairy tale. I suppose all I can hope for is to find companionship with someone equally as miserable as me, and hope that we find solace in eachother's misery.
wish2the_moon: solitude seems bittersweet at this moment
wish2the_moon: b/c if that's the way it's supposed to end up, then that fuckin sucks. I'd rather just be alone... I think. =/
wish2the_moon: I don't know Babe, what do you think?
-My Friend: Sometimes I really do agree with that statement. A lot of the time, actually.
-My Friend: But I still hope that it'll get better...
wish2the_moon: how can you? How have you not lost hope? And how do i get mine back?
-My Friend: I probably should've lost hope, but I guess I'm just too stubborn to let it go.
wish2the_moon: sounds like you and I have switched places tonight. I'm supposed to be the optimistic one. *shakes head in disgust w/herself*
-My Friend: I'm usually only optimistic with everyone but myself.
wish2the_moon: I hate being like this. I find depression melodramatic and unattractive. Ugh.
-My Friend: I know what you mean. And those same thoughts occur to me every damn day.
wish2the_moon: y'know what I find strange? How ppl come to me day in and day out with their problems, and there always seems to be a solution. I always seem to be able to say just the right thing to help and make things better. But I can't help my own damn self. WTF is up with that?
-My Friend: I'm the same damn way and it's soooooooo monumentally frustrating.
wish2the_moon: hence seeing as how you and I have the same damn issue... we can't even help eachother. lame.
-My Friend: I know
-My Friend: It blows.
-My Friend: Ok
wish2the_moon: My wheels are spinning, as usual for this time of night. Ugh.
-My Friend: Ah, I know that feeling alllll too well. And I hate it, lol.
wish2the_moon: I got that panicky feeling inside... the kind that shakes my insides... the one I've blogged about. Anxiety I think.
-My Friend: That's the one. How come?
wish2the_moon: It's my mood lately. I'm listening to Riahnna's song "Russian Roulette"... and it appeals to me at the moment, and my mood. Have you heard it? I think it might be easier to understand... but maybe not.. who knows. I'm so all over the board with this feeling.
wish2the_moon: you have no idea how I struggle within, this is why I don't get attached to ppl. And I'm not talking with just you. With ppl in general. I blame my mother for this. And my son's father. And my husband. And my best girlfriends who fucked my husband.
-My Friend: O_O
wish2the_moon: all I can hear is this song. It's speaking volumes to me right now.
-My Friend: Damn, sweetie...
wish2the_moon: When I look at pictures of me... back when I was younger... I see someone else entirely, a stronger person
wish2the_moon: but that's the thing. My mind has it backwards. I know that I'm stronger today than I was then...but when I look in the mirror, all I see is weakness, behind a shield
wish2the_moon: maybe that's why I perceive my younger self as stronger; b/c I faced things head on, with no fear
wish2the_moon: but I was... I was so afraid then. I just was too arrogant to realize it. now that I'm admitting it, I've lost that "invincible" attitude
wish2the_moon: I think I liked the old me better. She looked better, she was more fun. She was -happier-, that being the key word
-My Friend: God I know exactly what you mean. I've been thinking about the same damn thing lately about myself.
wish2the_moon: A friend of mine, he says "Now you tread with wisdom considering each step" --- but I don't think that's it. I think I just tread with caution, and paranoia. Who wants to live like that?
-My Friend: Nobody should. I do it myself and I hate it...
wish2the_moon: he says things will be better when the dust settles, but that's just it. The dust will never settle. There is always a certain amount of calamity to my life... I've learned to just deal.
wish2the_moon: but I don't want to just deal anymore. I want to just -be- ... for once in my life, I just want to -be-
-My Friend: There's no escape from the dust. It sticks to you. So even when you've brushed yourself off, something lingers to bring you down.
wish2the_moon: Babe, I'm so afraid. Terrified. I don't know if you know how much I mean that.
wish2the_moon: What's to become of me?
-My Friend: I wish I could tell you. I've got all your same questions but even less answers than you have already...
wish2the_moon: *cries* I hate it *frowns*
-My Friend: *hugs* I fucking hate it too. For me and for you.
wish2the_moon: I wish I could cry it out and be done with it. But crying does me no good. It's all still there when I'm done.
wish2the_moon: I'm so lost
wish2the_moon: I just want to crawl under a rock, let it go, and emerge much later a different and happier being.
wish2the_moon: I've forgotten how to be happy
-My Friend: You and me both. It just seems like its never going to get better.
-My Friend: It's a constant weight that lets up from time to time but never lifts. All we can do is trudge on and hope for a breath whenever we can get it until fate decides to let us free.
wish2the_moon: fate. there's the punch to the gut.
-My Friend: Yup...
wish2the_moon: I guess happily ever after really is just a fairy tale. I suppose all I can hope for is to find companionship with someone equally as miserable as me, and hope that we find solace in eachother's misery.
wish2the_moon: solitude seems bittersweet at this moment
wish2the_moon: b/c if that's the way it's supposed to end up, then that fuckin sucks. I'd rather just be alone... I think. =/
wish2the_moon: I don't know Babe, what do you think?
-My Friend: Sometimes I really do agree with that statement. A lot of the time, actually.
-My Friend: But I still hope that it'll get better...
wish2the_moon: how can you? How have you not lost hope? And how do i get mine back?
-My Friend: I probably should've lost hope, but I guess I'm just too stubborn to let it go.
wish2the_moon: sounds like you and I have switched places tonight. I'm supposed to be the optimistic one. *shakes head in disgust w/herself*
-My Friend: I'm usually only optimistic with everyone but myself.
wish2the_moon: I hate being like this. I find depression melodramatic and unattractive. Ugh.
-My Friend: I know what you mean. And those same thoughts occur to me every damn day.
wish2the_moon: y'know what I find strange? How ppl come to me day in and day out with their problems, and there always seems to be a solution. I always seem to be able to say just the right thing to help and make things better. But I can't help my own damn self. WTF is up with that?
-My Friend: I'm the same damn way and it's soooooooo monumentally frustrating.
wish2the_moon: hence seeing as how you and I have the same damn issue... we can't even help eachother. lame.
-My Friend: I know
-My Friend: It blows.
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